Now that you are here, you may be asking, "What does this custom mean? How can I understand this culture?" The best thing to do is always feel free to ask questions when you don't understand. Asking us about our customs gives us a chance to ask you about yours so we can better understand each other. You will be invited to social events from time to time. You may have heard about the hospitality of the South, and these events can be an important part of your education in this culture. Most of the social life of Texas is rather informal; however, we do practice certain social rules. The following suggestions may be helpful, but your host will be very understanding if you make a mistake. If you need more assistance, please ask in the Brookhaven College Multicultural Center, located in the Student Services Center, Building S, Room S136.
CONVERSING WITH AMERICANS
Although Americans are known for their frank and outspoken manner, most are polite. They may openly share their views on self, family, religion, and politics, but they also respect another person's desire for privacy.
A good sense of humor is important to Americans. Laughing at themselves or their country is something they do very well. But they may not appreciate a foreigner doing the same, especially in a critical tone.
Americans talk openly about many topics and are not easily embarrassed. Yet there are a few taboos even in American conversation. Asking how much money a person earns is one of them, as is asking a married couple why they have no children. Very personal questions about age, weight, personal habits, or previous marriages are also impolite. But if Americans choose to bring up these topics, you may assume they are willing to discuss them.
GREETINGS
As a gesture of friendliness, if a person offers you his hand, you should shake it; however, shaking hands is not a necessity in most greetings, especially informal ones. Many times men are the only ones who shake hands in a mixed group. It is customary for a man to shake a woman's hand only if she offers her hand first. An acknowledgment such as"How do you do," or "I'm glad to meet you," is appropriate. Just because people say, "How are you?" does not mean they want to hear about your health conditions. They simply are using it as a greeting or recognition of you. A common response is "I'm fine, thank you." Informal greetings include words such as "hello," "hi,"and "hey."
FIRST NAMES
Texans adopt a friendly, casual attitude with new acquaintances and will call you by your first name immediately after being introduced. Most people prefer being called by their first names. If they hold some rank or distinction (such as Dean or Mayor) you should wait until they suggest that you call them by their first name. Faculty members are generally referred to as "Mr. or Mrs. + the last name." If he or she holds a doctoral degree (Ph.D.) the correct form of address is "Dr. + the last name."
Guide to American Slang
Americans have some different ways of saying simple things. Here's a guide to some American slang.
Ace: to succeed or do well
Beat it: get out
Blow or Bomb: to fail or be unsuccessful
Blue or Have the Blues: to feel depressed or sad
Break the Ice: make a beginning
Buck(s): dollar(s)
Burn the midnight oil: to study or work all night long
Bury the hatchet: to reconcile
By the skin of your teeth: just barely
Can: restroom or toilet
Chew the fat: talk with someone
Cool: good, pleasing
Cop: a police officer, also means to touch
Couch potato: a lazy person; one who sits and watches TV
Cram: to study feverishly before an exam
Crash: to go to sleep; or to show up without invitation
Dough: money
Down to earth: practical, simple
Dutch or Go Dutch: paying for your part of the meal at a restaurant
Face the music: prepare to accept the repercussions of your actions
Feather in your cap: an accomplishment
Get in one's hair: bother
Get lost: leave
Get under one's skin: bother
Give the cold shoulder: ignore
Give a ring: to call by telephone
Hang out: to gather in a casual and social manner
Hangover: the physical effects of heavy drinking (headache)
Hangup: a fear or phobia
Hit the books: study
Hit the road: to leave
Hit the sack or Hit the hay: to go to sleep
Hold your horses: be calm!
Hottie: a good looking man or woman
Jock: an athlete
Know the ropes: be familiar
Lemon: a bad buy or purchase
Let the cat out of the bag: reveal a secret
Mooch: to borrow frequently causing annoyance
Once in a blue moon: infrequent
Out of the question: unthinkable
Pass the buck: transfer responsibility to someone else
Piece of cake: easy or effortless
Pig out: to overeat
Pissed off: a crude term for angry
Pop quiz: an exam that is not announced
Pull the wool over one's eyes: deceive
Rip off: overcharge or steal
R.S.V.P.: French for "respondez s'il vous plait" the formal reply to an invitation, usually by phone or mail
Shoot the breeze: to talk
Split: to leave
Slacker: a person who neither works nor goes to school
Spill the beans: to reveal a secret
Sweet/Sweetness: good, pleasing
Take a hike: Leave! (command)
Take a rain check: do at another time, postpone
Take for granted: to assume
The "Late" Mr. Smith: the word "late" is used to say Mr. Smith is dead
"What's up?": How are you?
In many countries only the mother and/or daughters work in the kitchen. However, in the United States this may not be the case. If you are visiting in a home, you will notice that other members of the family may help, including the sons and fathers. They may help the mother set the table, clear the table, wash the dishes, etc. The man may even do the cooking, especially grilling the food in the back yard. If you would like to help the hostess you may offer to do so, but you will not be considered rude if you do not offer. As you get to know a family better, you may feel more comfortable helping. Remember always to ask before smoking in front of your host or hostess.
Relationships between parents and children are sometimes a shock to foreign visitors, as is the children's frank outspokenness. This is part of the "self-reliance"and "freedom" that exists here. For this reason you may find it easy and natural to converse with the children, and this may turn out to be one of the most enjoyable parts of your experience in the United States.
EVENINGS
If you are invited to someone's home after 7 p.m., it will most likely be an invitation to spend the evening visiting with your hosts, and only light refreshments such as coffee and cake will be served. If it includes a full meal at such a late hour, your hosts will probably inform you.
DINNER
The two words "dinner" and "supper" are used interchangeably. Dinners in the United States are usually between 6 and 8 p.m.; however, occasionally a Sunday or holiday dinner will be served at noon. If you have any food restriction (no pork or no seafood, for example), do not hesitate to tell your host/hostess when you accept the invitation as he/she is eager not to offend you. If you are uncertain about the customs, wait to follow the examples of your host/hostess.
TABLE MANNERS
People in the United States have a style of eating which is quite different from the "Continental"or "Oriental" style practiced in other countries. Being aware of United States table manners will make you feel more comfortable when eating out, although it is not expected for you to change your style of eating while in the United States. You may want to visit the library and check out a book about etiquette if you need more help.
~When in doubt about what to do, observe your host or hostess.
~Either a man or a woman may place an order with a waiter or waitress.
If you are a guest, do not begin to eat before others are served, or before your host or hostess begin to eat. Some families say a short prayer (also called "grace" or"blessing") before meals, during which you should remain seated and quiet.
In the United States the bread and butter are usually placed on a separate plate to the left of the dinner plate.
If you are confused about what spoon or fork to use, observe your host or hostess. Remember that the custom is to start with the appropriate spoon or fork farthest away from the dinner plate and then work in toward the plate.
Salads may be eaten before and/or during the meal. They are placed on a plate to the left of the dinner plate.
After using a knife or fork, it should be placed on a plate rather than replacing it on the table.
If some food is offered that you do not want, simply say, "No, thank you". Further explanation is not necessary. It is considered polite to eat quietly and keep table conversation light and pleasant.
When you are finished, it is proper to place both the knife and the fork side by side diagonally across your plate, handles downward.
Never pick your teeth or comb your hair in public. Excuse yourself and go to the ladies' or men's room.
DRESS AND GOOD GROOMING
People in the United States usually bathe or shower at least once a day and put on fresh, clean clothing and deodorant after each shower or bath. To be clean and neat is more desirable than to have a wardrobe of expensive clothes.
If you are asked to go somewhere you should ask your host/hostess or another person about appropriate dress for the occasion. If you are going to someone's home or to speak to a group, your national dress is usually appropriate and appreciated. You may be asked a lot of questions about the garments of your national dress, since dress is a good conversation topic.
FRIENDSHIPS
Friendships often form around shared interests, work, study, and places of residence. In general, Texans like to express their ideas and opinions. By asking them questions about life in the United States, you will understand the culture better as well as establish rapport.
It will be tempting for you to spend time with people of your own nationality, since they share many of the same problems you have. However, some international students spend so much time together that their English hardly improves. They form their own group in a foreign environment and do things together that they enjoy back home. Once they leave the United States they really have learned little. They have not made new friends or seen what is foreign and enjoyed new things.
As an international student, it will be up to you to begin conversation with those around you. You can tell by the way that a person responds whether he or she would like to continue the conversation.
Texans are usually warm and open, and friendships are generally casual and informal due to the high mobility and quick pace of life in the United States. Many people have a high number of acquaintances, but only a few close friends. Among college students, flexibility is valued in friendships.
Try not to feel offended if someone is ignorant of your country, the modernization of cities in your country, the fact that you speak English so well, or any other native comment made during your discussion. Remember that both of you are learning about the other's culture and this process requires time, patience, dialogue, and exposure. Be aware that you should speak English when your friends from the United States are around. They will feel excluded and possibly offended, if you start talking in a language they do not understand.
GESTURES AND MOVEMENTS: WHAT THEY IMPLY
Give and expect in return direct eye contact with people when others talk to you.
A smile is the universal sign of greeting, give it freely.
People who have good posture usually appear more self-confident.
Some individuals tell stories or talk in a dramatic manner, using a lot of hand and body gesturing.
By imitating the posture of the people we are communicating with, we show we are probably agreeing with them.
Some individuals communicate by leaning forward, touching, and using a conversational style to communicate.
For more formal or professional conversation, speak face-to-face. Side-by-side conversation is for more relaxed talk.
When others are talking in a small, closed group, outsiders are generally not welcome to join in.
A firm, brief handshake is appropriate in almost every social or professional setting when greeting or leaving a person. Both men and women may initiate a handshake. A soft or weak handshake is viewed negatively by most people in the United States.
TO TOUCH OR NOT TO TOUCH?
People in the United States do not touch each other as much as some other peoples of the world.
The feeling of touch (without touching) can be given by allowing others to move in close when talking.
For acquaintances and superiors like professionals or interviewers, a simple handshake is all that is expected.
Good friends may exchange hugs, friendly punches, kisses, and may touch frequently when talking to each other.
Some people are high-touchers and give friendly arm, back, and shoulder touches even to new acquaintances.
Touching is used mainly as a greeting or to say good-bye.
Touch in a multicultural society is very individual. You will meet some people who will never touch you, even though they highly prize your friendship. Others will touch you often (shoulders and arms usually), yet such touches will not really express a meaning.
You will find that some students feel free to show in public what might be considered "private" expressions of affection in your culture: kissing, for example.